Sexual Assault and Dating Violence
What Is Sexual Assault?
- Sexual consent means you have a clear "yes, I want to do this" from your partner at each and every step of sexual activity.
- Yes, you do have to ask!
- No means NO.
- No always means STOP what you are doing now!
- No does not mean keep trying until your partner gives in.
- Body language or 'being turned on' does not indicate that someone is giving consent for sex.
- Why? Because it's difficult to differentiate between being scared and being aroused:
- Someone who is scared may begin to perspire, breathe quicker and heavier, shift their eyes around and their heart may pump faster
- Someone who is aroused may begin to perspire, breathe quicker and heavier, shift their eyes around and their heart may pump faster
Communication and Gaining Consent
- Communication is important at all stages of sexual activity.
- Clear verbal communication identifies what you and your partner are comfortable giving consent to.
- Gaining consent doesn't have to take away from the "moment." Rather, ensuring partners are giving consent can heighten sexual pleasure.
Ways to Gain Consent
- You're hot, can I kiss you?
- Am I moving too fast for you?
- Are we moving at an OK speed?
- Are you comfortable with this?
- Is it ok if I take off my pants?
- Do you want to take off your pants?
- Is it OK if we have sex?
Ineffective Ways to Gain Consent
- "Do you want to go back to my room?"
- The answer to this question only relates to entering the room.
- "Do you want to hook up?"
- This question and the answer to it are confusing since so many people have different ideas for what 'hooking up' actually means.
- "Do you want to go back to my place and watch a movie?"
- The answer to this question only relates to going to someone's place and watching a movie.
The responses to these questions do not indicate that someone is CONSENTING to have sex.