Do you have a question about sexual health? Submit your own question to our Sexpert!
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, and it is always best to talk with your primary care provider if you are concerned about your health. To make an appointment with your primary care provider at UHS, call (585) 275-2662.
Submission: Me and my partner have been together for more than a year and are regularly intimate with each other. We usually partake in vaginal sex, but when she’s on her period, she’s afraid of it causing too much of a mess and doesn’t want to deal with it. It’s unfortunate because the both of us would like to be intimate even when she’s having her time of the month. Recently, she brought up the idea of having anal sex during those moments. I have a few questions about how to do it safely. What are the best health and hygiene practices for those receiving and providing anal penetration to do before intercourse so that everything goes smoothly? My partner and I usually engage in sex without a condom, since we are monogamous and she is on birth control. Is there a chance of my penis getting infected if it’s not thoroughly cleaned down there? I am assuming her anus is a considerably tighter fit than her vagina. Are there any risks associated with trying to fit my penis in a space much tighter than it’s accustomed to? Can it cause any injuries or lasting damage?
These are all great things to consider before having anal sex! Anal sex can range in how enjoyable it is for different people. With this in mind, there are some things that you can do to make sure you are staying safe while having anal sex, and that you are making it as enjoyable as possible for you and your partner.
First, remember that anal sex can include lots of different activities, such as penetration with a penis or the use of fingers, tongues, or sex toys. What you seem to be describing in your question is penetration with the penis, but this might not be where you start when having anal sex for the first time. However you choose to have anal sex, be sure to start SLOW! It is likely that the first time, and possibly for a little bit after that, anal sex will be uncomfortable. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not naturally produce lubrication, so you’ll need to lubricate it yourself to avoid tears on the tissue inside the anus that can be both painful, and can put you at risk for infection. Safer sex supplies, including water-based and silicone-based lube can be found around campus in the UHS 1st floor waiting room, in the Health Promotion Office on the 4th floor of the UHS building, in Wilson Commons 201 (Common Connection), or can be sent to an on campus mailbox by ordering through Safe Sex Express.
If you and your partner were both tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs) before you began having sex, then you are not at risk for spreading an STI through anal sex, similar to vaginal sex. However, if you or your partner do have an STI, then you are more likely to spread that via anal sex than vaginal sex, due to the sensitive nature of the anal tissue. In addition, anal sex can lead to bacterial infections if there are bacteria present. The most reliable way to prevent this is to use condoms during anal sex. Some other steps you can take to help prevent bacterial infection include –
- Going to the bathroom up to 30 minutes beforehand
- Showering before sex (which can also help you to relax, which can make anal sex more enjoyable!)
- Using non-chemical, unscented wipes to clean up (baby wipes would work)
The first few times that you have anal sex, you may experience some discomfort. However, consistent or increasing pain is not normal. If you experience severe, sharp, or an intense shooting pain, then you might have perforated your rectum. If the pain is still present after 30 minutes, you should see a doctor immediately.
If the pain you experience is not a shooting or sharp pain, but is consistent, increases throughout sex, or is more than some minor discomfort, then you should stop. This type of pain might be caused by not using enough lubrication, or from tight anal muscles. To help prevent this, you can increase the amount of lubrication you use. However, it is also important to take things very slowly to allow the person being penetrated to relax and be more comfortable. If they are anxious or nervous, then they are more likely to tense up and experience pain.
Some other general safety tips to keep in mind for anal sex include –
- Never insert anything into the anus that does not have a flared base – the reason for this is that the anus, unlike the vagina, does not have an “end”. A sex toy could get stuck in the anus and end up in your intestines, potentially causing serious injury. This is most likely to happen during orgasm, as your muscles contract and create a sort of vacuum effect, sucking the toy in.
- Never move from anal to vaginal sex, or vice versa, without changing condoms or cleaning the sex toy/your fingers.
- If you’re using your fingers, be sure to trim your nails and file down any jagged edges to prevent tearing.
- Avoid sex toys that are too large or have ridges on them, as this can also lead to tearing.
- Use a dental dam if you are using your tongue/mouth for anal sex. This will help prevent bacterial infection.
Lastly, you mentioned that the reason for not wanting to have sex while your partner is on their period was the potential for mess. In case it is of interest, I wanted to provide a couple tips for how to minimize the mess during period sex.
- Use a towel or two to catch any blood.
- If you have a private area to do so, you could try having sex somewhere besides a bed to make the mess less of a concern – places such as a non-carpeted floor, shower, or tub would all be easier to clean up than sheets on a bed. Just be careful in a shower or tub not to slip and injure yourselves!
- Try a menstrual disc! Menstrual discs are inserted into the vaginal canal and sit against the cervix to catch any blood. They are completely safe to use during vaginal sex, and should keep everything mess free! They can be found in both reusable and disposable options. Some popular brands include Flex, Saalt, and Cora. They can be purchased online or at many local retailers, including Target, Walmart, and CVS.
Source: Cleveland Clinic