Do you have a question about sexual health? Submit your own question to our Sexpert!
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, and it is always best to talk with your primary care provider if you are concerned about your health. To make an appointment with your primary care provider at UHS, call (585) 275-2662.
Submission: (18F) I am into a new relationship and both me and my partner (19M) want to have sex. We have fingered each other but I didn’t like it when he fingered me. He tried among my entrance/outer vagina but instead of feeling turned on, I simply feel myself being touched. I can turn myself on when I masturbate, but I don’t know where and how should I guide him during fingering to turn me on. Also, when he fingers me, should it be around my vagina or should it involve finger penetration?
It is great to hear that you are exploring on your own with masturbation to figure out what you like! Sometimes things can feel different when someone else is touching you than when you are touching yourself. This might be due to the amount of pressure they’re using, how turned on you are beforehand, how wet you are, or many other factors.
The first thing I would recommend is to do things to help you and your partner get turned on before you begin any sort of fingering. You might think of this as “foreplay”, or activities such as making out, giving each other massages, touching each other in places other than genitals (breasts, butt, thighs), dirty talk, and anything else that you know will turn you or your partner on.
Once you feel turned on and ready to try having your partner finger you, there are also some things you can do to help make it more pleasurable:
- Use lubricant (lube) if you’re not feeling wet enough, or just to increase wetness. If you need lube, you can order it through Safe Sex Express to be delivered to your on-campus mailbox.
- Use your hands to guide your partner’s hands while he touches you. This can help you show him what you like to do when you masturbate, which might be more pleasurable for you.
- If you don’t want to guide his hands, you could consider masturbating with each other so that you can each see what feels good to the other person.
- Clearly communicate to your partner what does and does not feel good. He won’t know unless you tell him, and it will help make things better for both of you.
To answer your last question about what fingering should consist of, there is no one correct answer. Fingering can include penetration if that is something that feels good to you and that you are comfortable with. However, it can also include touching the clitoris, labia, or around the vaginal opening. This is all a matter of personal preference, so if you are comfortable experimenting, then you can find what you like best.