Do you have a question about sexual health? Submit your own question to our Sexpert!
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, and it is always best to talk with your primary care provider if you are concerned about your health. To make an appointment with your primary care provider at UHS, call (585) 275-2662.
Submission: How do you communicate to your partner/potential partners that you think you might be on the asexual spectrum?
When you’re thinking about coming out as asexual to your partner(s), or a potential partner, you might wonder when the best time is to do so. You may wish to tell a partner ASAP if it feels like something you’d like to get off your chest or is causing you stress. However, you may feel better telling someone once you are more comfortable with them and have formed more of a connection. This will all depend what makes you feel the best and most comfortable – this is your information to disclose.
Since asexuality is a spectrum, it could mean lots of different things to different people. When you choose to talk to your partner(s) about this, it would be a good idea to first have an idea of what asexuality means to you. This way you can clearly explain to them what you mean so you can discuss it. Find a time when you can be alone with your partner(s) so you can have some privacy during this conversation.
Once you decide when you would like to communicate to your partner(s) that you might be on the asexual spectrum, and what you would like to say, you should prepare yourself for how the person may respond. They may not know a lot about asexuality, so this may lead to some questions. Some examples of questions include:
- Have you ever had sex in the past?
- Does this mean that we will never do anything sexual together?
While you may want to answer these questions, keep in mind that you have no obligation to explain asexuality to someone. However, explaining what it means, or at least what it means to you, can help to find a partner that is understanding and compatible. On the other hand, it can help you determine if someone is not compatible as well. It is possible that however you define asexuality might be a deal-breaker for your partner(s) or potential partner(s). It may be hard, but try your best not to take it personally if this is the case. It is better to find this out now rather than down the road.
The most important thing to keep in mind when coming out as asexual, or somewhere on the asexual spectrum, is to do so when you are ready and feel comfortable.